Here's My Theory

There's No Such Thing As Sex Addiction

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 02:02:00 -0500

I remember a time when you would hear the name Tiger Woods and think about golf. Well those days are over because every time he’s in the headlines now, it’s because he’s apologizing for his several affairs. As of right now, the latest news is that Tiger Woods is a sex addict and is going to sex therapy.

Moving further into the past, there was a time when what we currently refer to as “sex addiction” was better known as “survival of the fittest.” Remember that? As far as evolution is concerned, Tiger Woods is a role model. The idea being that the more women a man has sex with, the greater the probability that his genes will be passed on and therefore survive at least one more generation (evolution sounds so sexist, right?).

Evolution aside, I personally don’t think adultery is respectable, but adultery is really Tiger’s only actual problem. If he wanted to live the life of a bachelor and sleep with several women, he shouldn’t have gotten married, or at least not have remained married. But that’s enough talk about Tiger’s domestic issues.

What it comes down to is simple:

There is no such thing as sex addiction.

Even though the DSM-IV (the most recent medical diagnostic manual) does not acknowledge it’s existence as a real disorder, no one even seems to question it. That doesn’t mean I believe the DSM is a gospel, it just happens to agree with me on this issue. What happens every time someone is involved in a sex scandal is they eventually come to the media and admit (if you even want to use that word) to the world that they have a problem. They, unlike every other man in the world, like sex too much. They have this terrible stuff in them called testosterone and this dreadful ability to attract women and they need help. Now, the world stops looking at them as a bad person, and begins to pity them, as they now have a problem which they can’t control; they are now the victim.

The whole thing is so obvious, but the majority of people fall right into the pity trap every time. I would love to see Tiger Woods get on a podium and say “I’m sorry I cheated on my wife, but when she now leaves me, I will continue to get laid on a regular basis by women who you can only dream about. Because I am a superstar athlete… and you are not. Thank you.”

Also, an addiction isn’t a disorder unless it prevents you from living a functional life. Have you ever seen Tiger Woods play golf? I think he’s functioning just fine.

"‘Everything happens for a reason’ might just be the most overused and least accurate..."

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 16:12:00 -0500

“‘Everything happens for a reason’ might just be the most overused and least accurate expression floating around. Every effect does have a cause, but a ‘reason’ implies intention and purpose. Expect an update on this in the very near future.”

AI and Personality

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 23:54:37 -0500

I’m very interested in artificial intelligence, and I was thinking about an issue that the development of such a thing might have. As much as we can program a computer to have artificial intelligence, an artificial personality is a very different story.

Since personality is widely believed to be a combination of genetics (which is the part we can somewhat emulate) and childhood experience, it would be a daunting task to create one artificially.

When we build a robot with artificial intelligence, we are basically building something which will not develop or grow. It will not have a family and it will not have social interactions with a child-like brain. Because of this, it would have a missing ingredient in personality. Yes, it might be able to understand things, but it will not have any personality bias, so it will be a creature that runs on pure logic.

While I am a huge fan of logic, I’m sure this would make for a very dry conversation. No major breakthroughs or anything here. Just a thought.

Let's Not Hate On Haiti - Do Your Part

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 03:22:08 -0500

Let's Not Hate On Haiti - Do Your Part

It's The Future, You Know What That Means... 3D?

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 12:15:24 -0500

Back in the 1950’s, 3D movies became a fun, futuristic trend. It was so futuristic and fun, especially for that time. Over there years, though, this has grown to be less and less popular and the most common place to see a room full of people in 3D glasses is an amusement park.

However, this seems to be changing suddenly. With the film Avatar being such a huge hit in 3D, everyone seems to be jumping on the 3D bandwagon. This past weekend was the Consumer Electronics Show for 2010 and the common denominator amongst TV companies has been the introduction of 3D HDTV and 3D blu-ray players. Along with this, some 3D channels are also in the process of going on the air in 2010, such as ESPN 3D.

So what does this mean? It means our current HDTV’s and blu-ray players are becoming obsolete and we will soon need to invest in 3D technology. But more importantly than this, it means these companies expect everyone to wear 3D glasses. Yep, still with the 3D glasses.

So far, I’ve heard one company mention that these glasses might be in the range of $100. Is all of this investing really worth it to the average person to see their TV in 3D? I really don’t think it is. The one thing these companies are forgetting is the power of convenience.

Let’s take a realistic situation:

A group of eight people decide after going out to come back to someone’s house and watch a movie. Either the host needs to own eight pairs of 3D glasses (a lovely $800 investment), or this group will need to stop at each person’s house to pick up their own glasses. This isn’t exactly an ideal situation.

I just can’t see this craze catching on, and I’m very surprised that so many companies are investing in the technology. Besides the money aspect, does anyone really want to sit around watching TV with goofy-looking glasses on? This whole idea just screams inconvenience. I was all for HDTV, and I’m looking forward to Ultra HD, but this 3D HDTV business just feels gimmicky.

I'm a Y2K Survivor!

Sun, 03 Jan 2010 03:22:00 -0500

As we begin the year 2010, I would just like to take a moment to reflect on the once dreaded Y2K.

Back in 1999, millions of people panicked as they believed that once the year 2000 came, the world was going to end. Why would they think that? Because somehow, they were convinced that no one foresaw the year 2000 coming and so the computers attached to nuclear weapons were all going to malfunction and launch atomic missiles all over the world. This type of mass hysteria seems silly to us now ten years later, but people were genuinely scared back in 1999.

Does any of this sound familiar? These “end of the world” scares seem to never go away, and people always manage to find a new year to point to in fear. It is now 2010 and I am certain that for the next two years we will have to deal with hearing countless ignorant babbling over the year 2012 being the end of the world.

The fact that a movie has already been created to cash in on this new fear-year is only a precursor to what silliness is to come. Somehow, the Mayan civilization was able to foresee the end of the world with the accuracy and precision of pinpointing an exact year, but they could not foresee the Spanish conquerers coming to end their own civilization. Let’s get real here.

Just as the year 2000 was not the end of the world, nor will 2012 be. If someone tries to start a speculative conversation about it, just change the subject in an effort to stop wasting your precious time.

"December: When life gives you its highest concentration of shit while everyone sings merry music."

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 19:55:03 -0500

“December: When life gives you its highest concentration of shit while everyone sings merry music.”

There's No Such Thing as a Peaceful Alarm Clock

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 01:08:00 -0500

Hearing a beep or buzz as the first thing to bring you out of your sleep is the most unpleasant sound to start your day with. So in an effort to start my day off a bit more peacefully, I invested in an alarm with a CD player built in. I then proceeded to stick one of my favorite albums in there, and went to sleep knowing I would be waking up to one of my favorite songs.

This was pretty nice the first day, and even the second day. By the end of the month, I felt like I was in the movie Groundhog Day and I grew to hate the song. Since I didn’t want to end up hating any of my favorite songs just for the cheap payoff of waking up slightly better, I rethought my plan.

Next, I invested in an alarm clock that had nature sounds built in. What could be more relaxing than waking up to the sounds of waves, or a lake, or even birds chirping?

For the first few months of this new system, I was thrilled with it. I woke up every day with a smile on my face and felt great about my new technique. Then, suddenly, the whole plan backfired. I began to hate the sounds of the ocean, and a long list of other sounds that most people would find soothing.

I had completely conditioned myself to associate these sounds with the unpleasant feeling of being disturbed while trying to sleep. This association was drilled so deeply into my subconscious that I now cringe and feel anxious when I hear these sounds in real life.

It’s a bizarre feeling, but it has led me to a final conclusion:

There’s no such thing as a peaceful alarm clock.

Whatever sound is waking you up will slowly, subconsciously associate itself with feelings of anxiety and turn the sound from calming to clamoring. I hate a bunch of songs now, and I cringe at the sound of waves, but I definitely learned my lesson.

"Thanksgiving is like reminiscing with a date rape victim about the dinner you had that night."

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 01:57:28 -0500

“Thanksgiving is like reminiscing with a date rape victim about the dinner you had that night.”

Men Love Each Other Sometimes

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:50:12 -0500

Men tend to fear showing any sort of affection for other men. It’s not that they don’t feel anything for each other, but there is some precedent set in society that prevents them from displaying it. Usually, the only time you’ll see this taking place is when they are drunk. That, of course, is because people are much more honest when they’re drunk.

That, however, doesn’t mean that men haven’t come up with a few tricks to get around this, though. Somehow, men have created ways to show affection for each other in a manly way so that society will still view them as strong, heterosexual men.

First up, is the “man hug”:

Men can’t put their arms around each other and hold each other warmly like they can do with a woman, or even like a woman can do with another woman. Instead, they shake hands, pull each other close and “pat” each other on the back. Kind of saying to each other “I love you, but I’m hitting you, so now you know I don’t mean this in a gay way.” But really, who are they kidding? You can easily care about another human being, or even love them, without it being sexual.

The other thing men tend to do to preserve their manhood while showing affection for each other is add the word “man” to the end of any sentence that is remotely sensitive.

The movie “I Love You, Man” captured this concept perfectly. Somehow, men believe that adding the word “man” to the end of a sentence counters the sensitivity of the statement. The addition of the word “man” is the equivalent to the addition of the pat on the back during the hug.

A guy can never say something like “Thanks, that means a lot to me” to another man. They need to say “Thanks, that means a lot, man.” But what does this do exactly? What about these “manisms” makes men feel more comfortable with each other?

I don’t think there’s a logical explanation for this phenomenon besides the simple precedents of social norms. This is what is expected from men, and as long as men follow these manisms, they will not be looked at strangely by the man they are communicating with or the people around them. Even though a hug and a “man hug” are coming from the same emotion, they send different messages.

A “man hug” sends the message “I care about you, man”, while a regular hug simply says “I care about you” which doesn’t specify in what way they mean that. This open-ended gesture leaves too many possibilities in the mind of the man being hugged and that makes him feel uncomfortable. At the same time, it makes the man question the other man’s motives, which is an extremely homophobic line of thinking (but very common).

So rather than taking the risk of their gesture being misinterpreted, men follow the norms and retain their image. I do believe it is very possible for a society to move past these silly insecure manisms, but in our homophobic culture, this is simply the way it is.

"Life is a steady stream of temporary pleasures and lingering pains."

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 00:57:23 -0500

“Life is a steady stream of temporary pleasures and lingering pains.”

Here's My Law: Urinal Etiquette

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:32:00 -0500

Situation: You enter a men’s public bathroom. There are five urinals in the bathroom. The one all the way on the end is taken. What do you do?

Well everyone knows you don’t take the one right next to him. That’s the creepiest thing you can do, and you run the risk of being punched in the face before the guy washes his hands.

Next up is the middle one. This is a safe bet because it tells the first guy that you’re giving him his space but also that you don’t feel so insecure with your sexuality that you need to overcompensate by picking one too far away.

The fourth urinal is the tricky one. By picking the fourth one, you are at a perfect balance of space from the first guy, but you’re screwing over potential man #3. The next person who walks into the bathroom enters a dilemma. There’s three free urinals and all three are directly next to someone.

Sure, you two are now both peeing happily with plenty of space, but you’re also pissing all over man #3.

Here’s My Law: Never use the second or fourth urinal.

If the first guy uses the fourth urinal, he forces the second guy to choose one that will screw over man #3. If the second guy uses the fourth urinal, he himself screws over man #3. If the third, fourth, or fifth guy uses the fourth urinal, he is definitely directly next to someone else (granted the first two men are following urinal etiquette).

Don’t be that guy. Please, follow urinal etiquette, and look out for man #3 while you’re doing #1.

"It’s death that gives this world its point. We love a rose because we know it will soon be..."

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 20:04:18 -0500

“It’s death that gives this world its point. We love a rose because we know it will soon be gone. Who ever loved a stone?”

- Charles Beaumont

"Don’t count your chickens before they hatch… unless, of course, you have x-ray vision...."

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:11:10 -0500

“Don’t count your chickens before they hatch… unless, of course, you have x-ray vision. Then you should start taking bets on counting chickens before they hatch.”

Our Colorful, Interesting World

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:12:00 -0500

As a child, it was very natural to see the world in black & white. Every situation seemed to have a right answer and a wrong answer. Usually what your parents think is right and everyone else is wrong. As you get older though, the world starts to become more and more grey. Things don’t seem so concrete anymore, and decisions become much more complicated. This can be very disillusioning, and at this point, how you respond to this new grey world determines a lot about how your life will be.

You can look at your life and think “well there’s no clear answers, so it doesn’t matter what I do”, which, of course, will get you absolutely nowhere. Or, you can take a completely different view of it:

While a black and white world would be simple, easy, and reassure every decision, it would also be a very bland and boring world.

With no chance for variation, life becomes formulaic. Although there is a high level of certainty, there is also no uncertainty. While this means there are no unexpected problems, there are also no pleasant surprises.

In a grey world, there are nuances that make life more meaningful.

As humans, we need a certain level of uncertainty. It’s what allows us to appreciate life. You would never know you were on top of a hill if you had never looked up at it from a valley. Just as you would never know life was going well unless you had a means of comparison. We need the bad times to appreciate the good. Adding the infinite amount of points between black and white makes a huge difference for the better.

Now, I’ve compared the false impression of the world (the black and white) and the actual way the world works (grey), but I’m going to add one more dimension: The way to appreciate the real world.

While, as an adult, it’s easy to see that the world is not cut and dry, it is not easy to see the beauty in it. The world is not black and white, but neither is a rainbow. Once you can see life as colorful and interesting, you can really appreciate every moment. But for every bit of good you allow into your life, you allow its shadow as well. Just as Dorothy found the colorful world full of songs and munchkins, she also found the wicked witch. What you’re left with is two ways of seeing things:

1. Don’t allow anything into your life for fear of its shadow (for example, not allowing yourself to fall in love out of fear of getting hurt.)

2. Keeping your door open, and enjoying the good with the knowledge that all things must end, and everything casts a shadow.

I prefer the latter. There’s no lesson here, just an exploration of thought. A glance at ways to view the world. No right, no wrong, just color.

Share on Facebook

Welcome to Here's My Theory 2.0

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:49:00 -0500

After much consideration, several E-Mails, and a poll, I have decided to implement a comments section onto the site.

Certain posts have always gotten a considerable amount of attention (especially God Has Low Self-Esteem, which still receives hundreds of visits each day, nine months after being posted) and anything that is getting this kind of attention deserves to be discussed in an open forum.

I hope you all enjoy this new feature, and if you have any comments…

The Golden Rule

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 21:05:00 -0400

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

A very famous quote from Luke in the bible, but also stated by a ton of philosophers throughout history. This is the Ethic of Reciprocity, but is more commonly referred to as “The Golden Rule.”

While I don’t have a problem with this idea, I do feel it is too universal of a statement. I would tend to agree more with:

“Do unto strangers as you would have them do unto you, but do unto friends as they would want done unto them.”

What is missing from the original is the acknowledgment of the “other’s” personal feelings and preferences. If you’re dealing with someone you know nothing about, it is a good universal principal to treat them how you would want to be treated.

However, if you know something about the person, you should take that into account before doing anything unto them.

For example, your friend doesn’t like anyone to touch them when they’re upset. Even though you might feel better when someone gives you a hug when you’re upset, you wouldn’t give them a hug because you know it’s not what they want.

It’s very important to take someone else’s personal preferences and feelings into account before applying the golden rule because not everyone wants the same things in every situation.

Nothing complicated here, just an examination and specification of a very old principle.

Share on Facebook

"Natural psychological maturity plateaus at the same time as physical maturity does. After that it..."

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 16:21:27 -0400

“Natural psychological maturity plateaus at the same time as physical maturity does. After that it takes a conscious effort to mature any further.”

Here's My Law: Pointing Out Flaws

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 01:18:00 -0400

Here’s the situation:

You’re out with your friend, and you’re about to meet up with a bunch of other people. Your friend leans over to you and whispers “you forgot to shave a part of your cheek.” Ta-da! You’re now self conscious for the rest of the day.

I’m not about to suggest that you should never point out flaws on your friends in order to prevent them from embarrassment, because that would actually be helpful.

Here’s my law:

NEVER point out a flaw on someone unless there is some way of fixing the problem at that moment. If the person has no way of fixing the problem, you’re not being helpful, you’re being mean (whether you intend to or not).

For example, in the above situation, you can’t whip out a razor and suddenly shave the spot you missed. Instead, you just spend the night trying to talk to people on the opposite side of the spot, or you hold a drink up to that cheek to cover it. If your friend never mentioned it to you, chances are most people didn’t notice it and you could have enjoyed your day.

So please, think about if your little comments fit this requirement before you make that brain-to-mouth transition. That is all.

Share on Facebook

"If you’re not completely happy with your life, and you’re not making any changes,..."

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 00:44:29 -0400

“If you’re not completely happy with your life, and you’re not making any changes, you’re doing something wrong.”