Here's My Theory

Great scene from an episode of the show “Louie” by...

Sun, 05 Sep 2010 10:59:00 -0400

Great scene from an episode of the show “Louie” by Louis C.K. It almost sounds like he wrote the material with me (unfortunately more so in the parts that aren’t available yet.) Touches on my post God Has Low Self-Esteem. Will post the full episode when it is available.

UNRATED, UNCENSORED, UNFUNNY!

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 01:13:00 -0400

A clear sign of a mediocre comedy movie is when it comes out on DVD and they stop advertising the comedy part and instead brag about the fact that it’s the UNRATED edition.

“Mediocre Comedy Movie: UNRATED… there might be boobs in it, who knows?”

Look at the cover above, it’s four confused guys who just drank a bunch of beer and a giant girl with cleavage. If I didn’t know any better, I would think this was either a porno or a Girls Gone Wild video.

Beware of these movies, they usually either flopped in the theater or went straight to DVD. By the way, was the girl in the “O” really necessary? Do we not get the point that naked women might be in the movie yet?

2 Years Later

Sun, 23 May 2010 21:29:28 -0400

Two years ago today, I started this website, and I’m happy to see how much it’s grown and evolved through that time. Over a half million people have visited in the last two years, and I just want to say thank you to everyone who has come back and a special thanks to all who contributed, commented, sent e-mails, and follow the site on Facebook. To start something like this doesn’t take a lot of motivation, but I wouldn’t see any point in keeping it going for all this time if I didn’t feel supported. So thanks everyone, and expect this third year to be even better than the first two.

Reckless Driving? There's an App For That Too

Tue, 11 May 2010 17:57:00 -0400

Technology is getting better and more portable every day, and unless you’ve been living in isolation, you’ve seen it all around. While these new gadgets are making life much easier for everyone, they are also creating quite a distraction from our surroundings.

When cell phones first began to grow in popularity, laws were quickly made to prohibit their use without a hands-free device. The misconception was that people were getting into accidents because they were driving with only one hand. We now know that this is not the reason for all the accidents because nothing changed once people started using hands-free devices.

What’s actually happening is focus that normally is 100% devoted to the road (minus distractions from the radio or people talking in the car) is now transfered over to the conversation. So, while these laws had all the right intentions, they were not solving the problem.

But now we have a new problem, which I feel is more dangerous than having a conversation while driving: texting a conversation while driving.

With texting, now people are literally taking their eyes off the road to have a conversation. This is considerably more dangerous than a loss of concentration on driving because things on the road can change very quickly, and if your eyes aren’t paying attention to it, you’re just asking for trouble.

Now, I am not even close to the first person to recognize this problem, but I would like to suggest a solution: the text away message.

For years, online messaging services have used the “away message” which send an automatic response to anyone who tries to contact you while you’re unavailable. I think it’s time that cell phones adopt this feature as a standard in text messaging service.

As you’re getting into your car, you would switch the phone into driving mode and you will not be alerted of messages until you arrive at your destination. During the trip, every text message you receive will automatically be responded to with a personalized message like “Hey, I’m driving right now, I’ll text you back in a little while.”

I’m sure there are some apps out there for phones that implement similar features to this. But I’m not talking about an optional add-on for people who are obviously responsible enough to search for the app. I’m talking about a standard feature, just like silent mode. On top of this, these automatic responses should not be charged to your account, but instead come free as a part of any cell phone plan.

All of these things (standard feature, no charge for texts, easy to switch to) are very important because any hurdle placed between a person and desired action lowers the chance of them actually doing it. If this was a hard-to-find/use feature, it might as well not exist.

Content Updates Coming Soon...

Tue, 11 May 2010 16:22:00 -0400

Hello, everyone, I just wanted to briefly update you on the state of the site. It’s been a busy month for me, which is why there has been a lack of updates.

First, I’ve been fixing some technical problems with the site itself and implementing some new features (such as the Facebook integration). Some of you have noticed that there is a problem with the search engine, and that is another area I’ve been working on. I’ve also been busy working on some psychological research, so most of my time has been devoted to that.

April was a big month for Here’s My Theory, as the site received over 120,000 visits (highest amount in a month to date). I’m looking forward to keeping this site moving in the right direction, but at the same time, I never want to post anything just for the sake of updating. Thanks for sticking around, and expect some content updates real soon.

"Preachers and Politicians: Experts in speaking the most and saying the least."

Mon, 19 Apr 2010 02:28:50 -0400

“Preachers and Politicians: Experts in speaking the most and saying the least.”

I normally don’t post things from other places on this...

Mon, 12 Apr 2010 18:07:00 -0400

I normally don’t post things from other places on this site, but I feel very passionately about this topic, and Michael Specter articulated it more beautifully than I could try.

Here's My Law: Miscommunication in Arguments

Mon, 12 Apr 2010 02:42:00 -0400

“That’s not what I meant!” - The classic exclamation that manages to make an appearance in most any argument. It isn’t any wonder why, though, because one of the most common causes of arguments is miscommunication.

When someone says this, they usually mean “it doesn’t matter if it upset you, you just misunderstood what I said/did.” The problem here is that miscommunication is not an excuse for hurting someone’s feelings, although it might very well be the reason. By using it as an excuse, you can quickly turn a small argument into a huge blowout.

Here’s My Law:

It doesn’t matter what you meant by something. It only matters how it is interpreted by other people.

In other words, it only matters what the other person thinks you meant. If you do or say anything that ends up hurting someone’s feelings and they confront you about it, it really doesn’t matter whether you meant it in the way they interpreted it or not. What matters is that they interpreted it in that way and it hurt their feelings.

The wrong move from here is to blame the other person for misunderstanding and treating yourself as a completely innocent person when, in fact, you were the one who did or said the wrong thing. When it comes down to it, you are the only person who knows your intentions, and so the rest of the world can only go by interpretation of your words, tone, and actions.

The right thing to do is apologize and say something along the lines of “I’m sorry if what I said upset you, but I didn’t mean it that way. What I meant was ::insert intention:: but I am sorry and I can see why it made you feel the way it did. I’ll try to remember this to avoid this in the future.”

It may be hard to let go of your ego enough to say something like this, but the only things you get from being stubborn are longer fights and less friends.

"Life is a slow treadmill. If you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backward."

Sun, 11 Apr 2010 13:43:35 -0400

“Life is a slow treadmill. If you’re not moving forward, you’re moving backward.”

Why We Don't Mind The Smell of Our Own Gas

Thu, 01 Apr 2010 13:20:00 -0400

It’s no secret that one fart can clear a room of people in seconds. But have you ever noticed that when you’re the one who “dealt it”, it’s really not so bad? In fact, we actually kind of enjoy it. We don’t seem to mind the smells of our own bodily functions, but we can’t stand it if it comes from anybody else in the world.

So why is this?

Well, it’s also no secret that the sense of smell is the sense which is most related to our memory. The reason for this is the primary olfactory cortex is connected (I’ll spare you some details here) to the limbic system which is responsible for both memory and emotions. This is why when you smell a a fragrance that your ex used to wear, it not only brings back memories of that person, but resurrects some old feelings as well.

Now, back to farts. When you pass some gas, or even have a bowel movement, the emotion that is usually most prominent is relief. You felt uncomfortable, you released something out of your body, and now you feel better. Over the course of your life, your brain has now associated these smells with feelings of relief. The reasonable part of your brain understands that this is a bad smell, objectively. But the emotional part of your brain subjectively enjoys the smell because every time you’ve experienced it, you’ve felt pretty damned good.

So don’t feel crazy the next time this apparent phenomenon happens to you. Enjoy your own odors. Just don’t expect the rest of the room to share in your enjoyment.

Happy New Year!

Sun, 21 Mar 2010 00:56:07 -0400

The first day of spring is here, so everyone have a Happy New Year!

"I bet charades is a much less exciting game for the deaf."

Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:55:41 -0400

“I bet charades is a much less exciting game for the deaf.”

There's No Such Thing As Sex Addiction

Tue, 09 Mar 2010 02:02:00 -0500

I remember a time when you would hear the name Tiger Woods and think about golf. Well those days are over because every time he’s in the headlines now, it’s because he’s apologizing for his several affairs. As of right now, the latest news is that Tiger Woods is a sex addict and is going to sex therapy.

Moving further into the past, there was a time when what we currently refer to as “sex addiction” was better known as “survival of the fittest.” Remember that? As far as evolution is concerned, Tiger Woods is a role model. The idea being that the more women a man has sex with, the greater the probability that his genes will be passed on and therefore survive at least one more generation (evolution sounds so sexist, right?).

Evolution aside, I personally don’t think adultery is respectable, but adultery is really Tiger’s only actual problem. If he wanted to live the life of a bachelor and sleep with several women, he shouldn’t have gotten married, or at least not have remained married. But that’s enough talk about Tiger’s domestic issues.

What it comes down to is simple:

There is no such thing as sex addiction.

Even though the DSM-IV (the most recent medical diagnostic manual) does not acknowledge it’s existence as a real disorder, no one even seems to question it. That doesn’t mean I believe the DSM is a gospel, it just happens to agree with me on this issue. What happens every time someone is involved in a sex scandal is they eventually come to the media and admit (if you even want to use that word) to the world that they have a problem. They, unlike every other man in the world, like sex too much. They have this terrible stuff in them called testosterone and this dreadful ability to attract women and they need help. Now, the world stops looking at them as a bad person, and begins to pity them, as they now have a problem which they can’t control; they are now the victim.

The whole thing is so obvious, but the majority of people fall right into the pity trap every time. I would love to see Tiger Woods get on a podium and say “I’m sorry I cheated on my wife, but when she now leaves me, I will continue to get laid on a regular basis by women who you can only dream about. Because I am a superstar athlete… and you are not. Thank you.”

Also, an addiction isn’t a disorder unless it prevents you from living a functional life. Have you ever seen Tiger Woods play golf? I think he’s functioning just fine.

"‘Everything happens for a reason’ might just be the most overused and least accurate..."

Wed, 17 Feb 2010 16:12:00 -0500

“‘Everything happens for a reason’ might just be the most overused and least accurate expression floating around. Every effect does have a cause, but a ‘reason’ implies intention and purpose. Expect an update on this in the very near future.”

AI and Personality

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 23:54:37 -0500

I’m very interested in artificial intelligence, and I was thinking about an issue that the development of such a thing might have. As much as we can program a computer to have artificial intelligence, an artificial personality is a very different story.

Since personality is widely believed to be a combination of genetics (which is the part we can somewhat emulate) and childhood experience, it would be a daunting task to create one artificially.

When we build a robot with artificial intelligence, we are basically building something which will not develop or grow. It will not have a family and it will not have social interactions with a child-like brain. Because of this, it would have a missing ingredient in personality. Yes, it might be able to understand things, but it will not have any personality bias, so it will be a creature that runs on pure logic.

While I am a huge fan of logic, I’m sure this would make for a very dry conversation. No major breakthroughs or anything here. Just a thought.

Let's Not Hate On Haiti - Do Your Part

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 03:22:08 -0500

Let's Not Hate On Haiti - Do Your Part

It's The Future, You Know What That Means... 3D?

Mon, 11 Jan 2010 12:15:24 -0500

Back in the 1950’s, 3D movies became a fun, futuristic trend. It was so futuristic and fun, especially for that time. Over there years, though, this has grown to be less and less popular and the most common place to see a room full of people in 3D glasses is an amusement park.

However, this seems to be changing suddenly. With the film Avatar being such a huge hit in 3D, everyone seems to be jumping on the 3D bandwagon. This past weekend was the Consumer Electronics Show for 2010 and the common denominator amongst TV companies has been the introduction of 3D HDTV and 3D blu-ray players. Along with this, some 3D channels are also in the process of going on the air in 2010, such as ESPN 3D.

So what does this mean? It means our current HDTV’s and blu-ray players are becoming obsolete and we will soon need to invest in 3D technology. But more importantly than this, it means these companies expect everyone to wear 3D glasses. Yep, still with the 3D glasses.

So far, I’ve heard one company mention that these glasses might be in the range of $100. Is all of this investing really worth it to the average person to see their TV in 3D? I really don’t think it is. The one thing these companies are forgetting is the power of convenience.

Let’s take a realistic situation:

A group of eight people decide after going out to come back to someone’s house and watch a movie. Either the host needs to own eight pairs of 3D glasses (a lovely $800 investment), or this group will need to stop at each person’s house to pick up their own glasses. This isn’t exactly an ideal situation.

I just can’t see this craze catching on, and I’m very surprised that so many companies are investing in the technology. Besides the money aspect, does anyone really want to sit around watching TV with goofy-looking glasses on? This whole idea just screams inconvenience. I was all for HDTV, and I’m looking forward to Ultra HD, but this 3D HDTV business just feels gimmicky.

I'm a Y2K Survivor!

Sun, 03 Jan 2010 03:22:00 -0500

As we begin the year 2010, I would just like to take a moment to reflect on the once dreaded Y2K.

Back in 1999, millions of people panicked as they believed that once the year 2000 came, the world was going to end. Why would they think that? Because somehow, they were convinced that no one foresaw the year 2000 coming and so the computers attached to nuclear weapons were all going to malfunction and launch atomic missiles all over the world. This type of mass hysteria seems silly to us now ten years later, but people were genuinely scared back in 1999.

Does any of this sound familiar? These “end of the world” scares seem to never go away, and people always manage to find a new year to point to in fear. It is now 2010 and I am certain that for the next two years we will have to deal with hearing countless ignorant babbling over the year 2012 being the end of the world.

The fact that a movie has already been created to cash in on this new fear-year is only a precursor to what silliness is to come. Somehow, the Mayan civilization was able to foresee the end of the world with the accuracy and precision of pinpointing an exact year, but they could not foresee the Spanish conquerers coming to end their own civilization. Let’s get real here.

Just as the year 2000 was not the end of the world, nor will 2012 be. If someone tries to start a speculative conversation about it, just change the subject in an effort to stop wasting your precious time.

"December: When life gives you its highest concentration of shit while everyone sings merry music."

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 19:55:03 -0500

“December: When life gives you its highest concentration of shit while everyone sings merry music.”

There's No Such Thing as a Peaceful Alarm Clock

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 01:08:00 -0500

Hearing a beep or buzz as the first thing to bring you out of your sleep is the most unpleasant sound to start your day with. So in an effort to start my day off a bit more peacefully, I invested in an alarm with a CD player built in. I then proceeded to stick one of my favorite albums in there, and went to sleep knowing I would be waking up to one of my favorite songs.

This was pretty nice the first day, and even the second day. By the end of the month, I felt like I was in the movie Groundhog Day and I grew to hate the song. Since I didn’t want to end up hating any of my favorite songs just for the cheap payoff of waking up slightly better, I rethought my plan.

Next, I invested in an alarm clock that had nature sounds built in. What could be more relaxing than waking up to the sounds of waves, or a lake, or even birds chirping?

For the first few months of this new system, I was thrilled with it. I woke up every day with a smile on my face and felt great about my new technique. Then, suddenly, the whole plan backfired. I began to hate the sounds of the ocean, and a long list of other sounds that most people would find soothing.

I had completely conditioned myself to associate these sounds with the unpleasant feeling of being disturbed while trying to sleep. This association was drilled so deeply into my subconscious that I now cringe and feel anxious when I hear these sounds in real life.

It’s a bizarre feeling, but it has led me to a final conclusion:

There’s no such thing as a peaceful alarm clock.

Whatever sound is waking you up will slowly, subconsciously associate itself with feelings of anxiety and turn the sound from calming to clamoring. I hate a bunch of songs now, and I cringe at the sound of waves, but I definitely learned my lesson.