Here's My Theory

Here’s My Law: Urinal Etiquette

Situation: You enter a men’s public bathroom. There are five urinals in the bathroom. The one all the way on the end is taken. What do you do?

Well everyone knows you don’t take the one right next to him. That’s the creepiest thing you can do, and you run the risk of being punched in the face before the guy washes his hands.

Next up is the middle one. This is a safe bet because it tells the first guy that you’re giving him his space but also that you don’t feel so insecure with your sexuality that you need to overcompensate by picking one too far away.

The fourth urinal is the tricky one. By picking the fourth one, you are at a perfect balance of space from the first guy, but you’re screwing over potential man #3. The next person who walks into the bathroom enters a dilemma. There’s three free urinals and all three are directly next to someone.

Sure, you two are now both peeing happily with plenty of space, but you’re also pissing all over man #3.

Here’s My Law: Never use the second or fourth urinal.

If the first guy uses the fourth urinal, he forces the second guy to choose one that will screw over man #3. If the second guy uses the fourth urinal, he himself screws over man #3. If the third, fourth, or fifth guy uses the fourth urinal, he is definitely directly next to someone else (granted the first two men are following urinal etiquette).

Don’t be that guy. Please, follow urinal etiquette, and look out for man #3 while you’re doing #1.