Here's My Theory

Content Updates Coming Soon…

Hello, everyone, I just wanted to briefly update you on the state of the site. It’s been a busy month for me, which is why there has been a lack of updates.

First, I’ve been fixing some technical problems with the site itself and implementing some new features (such as the Facebook integration). Some of you have noticed that there is a problem with the search engine, and that is another area I’ve been working on. I’ve also been busy working on some psychological research, so most of my time has been devoted to that.

April was a big month for Here’s My Theory, as the site received over 120,000 visits (highest amount in a month to date). I’m looking forward to keeping this site moving in the right direction, but at the same time, I never want to post anything just for the sake of updating. Thanks for sticking around, and expect some content updates real soon.

Here’s My Law: Miscommunication in Arguments

“That’s not what I meant!” - The classic exclamation that manages to make an appearance in most any argument. It isn’t any wonder why, though, because one of the most common causes of arguments is miscommunication.

When someone says this, they usually mean “it doesn’t matter if it upset you, you just misunderstood what I said/did.” The problem here is that miscommunication is not an excuse for hurting someone’s feelings, although it might very well be the reason. By using it as an excuse, you can quickly turn a small argument into a huge blowout.

Here’s My Law:

It doesn’t matter what you meant by something. It only matters how it is interpreted by other people.

In other words, it only matters what the other person thinks you meant. If you do or say anything that ends up hurting someone’s feelings and they confront you about it, it really doesn’t matter whether you meant it in the way they interpreted it or not. What matters is that they interpreted it in that way and it hurt their feelings.

The wrong move from here is to blame the other person for misunderstanding and treating yourself as a completely innocent person when, in fact, you were the one who did or said the wrong thing. When it comes down to it, you are the only person who knows your intentions, and so the rest of the world can only go by interpretation of your words, tone, and actions.

The right thing to do is apologize and say something along the lines of “I’m sorry if what I said upset you, but I didn’t mean it that way. What I meant was ::insert intention:: but I am sorry and I can see why it made you feel the way it did. I’ll try to remember this to avoid this in the future.”

It may be hard to let go of your ego enough to say something like this, but the only things you get from being stubborn are longer fights and less friends.

Why We Don’t Mind The Smell of Our Own Gas

It’s no secret that one fart can clear a room of people in seconds. But have you ever noticed that when you’re the one who “dealt it”, it’s really not so bad? In fact, we actually kind of enjoy it. We don’t seem to mind the smells of our own bodily functions, but we can’t stand it if it comes from anybody else in the world.

So why is this?

Well, it’s also no secret that the sense of smell is the sense which is most related to our memory. The reason for this is the primary olfactory cortex is connected (I’ll spare you some details here) to the limbic system which is responsible for both memory and emotions. This is why when you smell a a fragrance that your ex used to wear, it not only brings back memories of that person, but resurrects some old feelings as well.

Now, back to farts. When you pass some gas, or even have a bowel movement, the emotion that is usually most prominent is relief. You felt uncomfortable, you released something out of your body, and now you feel better. Over the course of your life, your brain has now associated these smells with feelings of relief. The reasonable part of your brain understands that this is a bad smell, objectively. But the emotional part of your brain subjectively enjoys the smell because every time you’ve experienced it, you’ve felt pretty damned good.

So don’t feel crazy the next time this apparent phenomenon happens to you. Enjoy your own odors. Just don’t expect the rest of the room to share in your enjoyment.

Happy New Year!

The first day of spring is here, so everyone have a Happy New Year!

There’s No Such Thing As Sex Addiction

I remember a time when you would hear the name Tiger Woods and think about golf. Well those days are over because every time he’s in the headlines now, it’s because he’s apologizing for his several affairs. As of right now, the latest news is that Tiger Woods is a sex addict and is going to sex therapy.

Moving further into the past, there was a time when what we currently refer to as “sex addiction” was better known as “survival of the fittest.” Remember that? As far as evolution is concerned, Tiger Woods is a role model. The idea being that the more women a man has sex with, the greater the probability that his genes will be passed on and therefore survive at least one more generation (evolution sounds so sexist, right?).

Evolution aside, I personally don’t think adultery is respectable, but adultery is really Tiger’s only actual problem. If he wanted to live the life of a bachelor and sleep with several women, he shouldn’t have gotten married, or at least not have remained married. But that’s enough talk about Tiger’s domestic issues.

What it comes down to is simple:

There is no such thing as sex addiction.

Even though the DSM-IV (the most recent medical diagnostic manual) does not acknowledge it’s existence as a real disorder, no one even seems to question it. That doesn’t mean I believe the DSM is a gospel, it just happens to agree with me on this issue. What happens every time someone is involved in a sex scandal is they eventually come to the media and admit (if you even want to use that word) to the world that they have a problem. They, unlike every other man in the world, like sex too much. They have this terrible stuff in them called testosterone and this dreadful ability to attract women and they need help. Now, the world stops looking at them as a bad person, and begins to pity them, as they now have a problem which they can’t control; they are now the victim.

The whole thing is so obvious, but the majority of people fall right into the pity trap every time. I would love to see Tiger Woods get on a podium and say “I’m sorry I cheated on my wife, but when she now leaves me, I will continue to get laid on a regular basis by women who you can only dream about. Because I am a superstar athlete… and you are not. Thank you.”

Also, an addiction isn’t a disorder unless it prevents you from living a functional life. Have you ever seen Tiger Woods play golf? I think he’s functioning just fine.