Here's My Theory

Here’s My Law: Urinal Etiquette

Situation: You enter a men’s public bathroom. There are five urinals in the bathroom. The one all the way on the end is taken. What do you do?

Well everyone knows you don’t take the one right next to him. That’s the creepiest thing you can do, and you run the risk of being punched in the face before the guy washes his hands.

Next up is the middle one. This is a safe bet because it tells the first guy that you’re giving him his space but also that you don’t feel so insecure with your sexuality that you need to overcompensate by picking one too far away.

The fourth urinal is the tricky one. By picking the fourth one, you are at a perfect balance of space from the first guy, but you’re screwing over potential man #3. The next person who walks into the bathroom enters a dilemma. There’s three free urinals and all three are directly next to someone.

Sure, you two are now both peeing happily with plenty of space, but you’re also pissing all over man #3.

Here’s My Law: Never use the second or fourth urinal.

If the first guy uses the fourth urinal, he forces the second guy to choose one that will screw over man #3. If the second guy uses the fourth urinal, he himself screws over man #3. If the third, fourth, or fifth guy uses the fourth urinal, he is definitely directly next to someone else (granted the first two men are following urinal etiquette).

Don’t be that guy. Please, follow urinal etiquette, and look out for man #3 while you’re doing #1.

Our Colorful, Interesting World

As a child, it was very natural to see the world in black & white. Every situation seemed to have a right answer and a wrong answer. Usually what your parents think is right and everyone else is wrong. As you get older though, the world starts to become more and more grey. Things don’t seem so concrete anymore, and decisions become much more complicated. This can be very disillusioning, and at this point, how you respond to this new grey world determines a lot about how your life will be.

You can look at your life and think “well there’s no clear answers, so it doesn’t matter what I do”, which, of course, will get you absolutely nowhere. Or, you can take a completely different view of it:

While a black and white world would be simple, easy, and reassure every decision, it would also be a very bland and boring world.

With no chance for variation, life becomes formulaic. Although there is a high level of certainty, there is also no uncertainty. While this means there are no unexpected problems, there are also no pleasant surprises.

In a grey world, there are nuances that make life more meaningful.

As humans, we need a certain level of uncertainty. It’s what allows us to appreciate life. You would never know you were on top of a hill if you had never looked up at it from a valley. Just as you would never know life was going well unless you had a means of comparison. We need the bad times to appreciate the good. Adding the infinite amount of points between black and white makes a huge difference for the better.

Now, I’ve compared the false impression of the world (the black and white) and the actual way the world works (grey), but I’m going to add one more dimension: The way to appreciate the real world.

While, as an adult, it’s easy to see that the world is not cut and dry, it is not easy to see the beauty in it. The world is not black and white, but neither is a rainbow. Once you can see life as colorful and interesting, you can really appreciate every moment. But for every bit of good you allow into your life, you allow its shadow as well. Just as Dorothy found the colorful world full of songs and munchkins, she also found  the wicked witch. What you’re left with is two ways of seeing things:

1. Don’t allow anything into your life for fear of its shadow (for example, not allowing yourself to fall in love out of fear of getting hurt.)

2. Keeping your door open, and enjoying the good with the knowledge that all things must end, and everything casts a shadow.

I prefer the latter. There’s no lesson here, just an exploration of thought. A glance at ways to view the world. No right, no wrong, just color.

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Welcome to Here’s My Theory 2.0

After much consideration, several E-Mails, and a poll, I have decided to implement a comments section onto the site.

Certain posts have always gotten a considerable amount of attention (especially God Has Low Self-Esteem, which still receives hundreds of visits each day, nine months after being posted) and anything that is getting this kind of attention deserves to be discussed in an open forum.

I hope you all enjoy this new feature, and if you have any comments…

The Golden Rule

“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

A very famous quote from Luke in the bible, but also stated by a ton of philosophers throughout history. This is the Ethic of Reciprocity, but is more commonly referred to as “The Golden Rule.”

While I don’t have a problem with this idea, I do feel it is too universal of a statement. I would tend to agree more with:

“Do unto strangers as you would have them do unto you, but do unto friends as they would want done unto them.”

What is missing from the original is the acknowledgment of the “other’s” personal feelings and preferences. If you’re dealing with someone you know nothing about, it is a good universal principal to treat them how you would want to be treated.

However, if you know something about the person, you should take that into account before doing anything unto them.

For example, your friend doesn’t like anyone to touch them when they’re upset. Even though you might feel better when someone gives you a hug when you’re upset, you wouldn’t give them a hug because you know it’s not what they want.

It’s very important to take someone else’s personal preferences and feelings into account before applying the golden rule because not everyone wants the same things in every situation.

Nothing complicated here, just an examination and specification of a very old principle.

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Here’s My Law: Pointing Out Flaws

Here’s the situation:

You’re out with your friend, and you’re about to meet up with a bunch of other people. Your friend leans over to you and whispers “you forgot to shave a part of your cheek.” Ta-da! You’re now self conscious for the rest of the day.

I’m not about to suggest that you should never point out flaws on your friends in order to prevent them from embarrassment, because that would actually be helpful.

Here’s my law:

NEVER point out a flaw on someone unless there is some way of fixing the problem at that moment. If the person has no way of fixing the problem, you’re not being helpful, you’re being mean (whether you intend to or not).

For example, in the above situation, you can’t whip out a razor and suddenly shave the spot you missed. Instead, you just spend the night trying to talk to people on the opposite side of the spot, or you hold a drink up to that cheek to cover it. If your friend never mentioned it to you, chances are most people didn’t notice it and you could have enjoyed your day.

So please, think about if your little comments fit this requirement before you make that brain-to-mouth transition. That is all.

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