April 2009
5 posts
Balloons: The Child's Introduction to Death
To a child, a balloon full of helium is one of the most fun things imaginable. It’s the only thing they can have which defies gravity. Kids get more excited over balloons than adults do over free money.
Now that the child has a balloon, one of three things will happen:
The balloon pops.
The balloon gradually deflates.
The balloon floats away.
If the balloon pops, it will scare the kid,...
“The soul is to the chicken as God is to the egg.”
An Introduction to the Religion of Holideism
Every holiday, people always say something to the effect of “happy holidays, or whatever you celebrate.” Although I do celebrate certain holidays such as Christmas and Easter, I in no way believe in the reasons which the holidays are celebrated. To me, the only reason I enjoy holidays is because there’s usually some sort of dinner, party, or family gathering.
I think a lot of...
The 80's Were The Future
In the 1980’s, everyone suddenly got confused and thought it was the future. That might sound like it doesn’t make any sense, but let me first define what I mean by “the future”.
Throughout the twentieth century, people had this idea of the future world having flying cars, computers everywhere, humanoid robots, and for some reason bright flashing lights and colors. This...
Barack Obama Used To Be White
Everybody knows that Barack Obama is half white and half black, so really his skin color could have gone either way. The truth is, he was born a light-skinned boy who went by the name of Brock O’bama. After community organizing for years, he decided to get into politcs. He lost several elections for small local positions and knew he needed to make a change.
His advisers recommended that...